How to operate when things are crazy out there?

Aww man, “how to operate when things are crazy out there?” is the story of my life last October – Now basically. So D and I had ended things long before last October. Because of this, I was already in kind a crappy mood that whole month, ok? I had also discovered THC vape pens like that same week… so idk. In Colorado, they are ridiculously strong. The first time I experienced them, it was like my favorite new drug, period! Ok so i’m bummed because of her and I but I’m not like in “super bummed depression mode” or anything. Then my car breaks down, my hours get cut and I have to go job hunting t0 keep my place and trust me, i really wanted to keep my freaking place. So here I am, mr 55 year old type 1 diabetic applying for fast food jobs, never got a second interview or anything like that. Fuck them, that wasn’t fair. All of this happened like Oct 10 – 20.

My rent was like 1700 a month, i had like 80 bucks. I got that sinking feeling that i’d never really had before and i knew.. So tried finding a job, that was a shit show. Tried ride sharing but the billing got fucked up early December, so that was a no go and they cut off access to the car… what a shit show. So i couldn’t make money last month and lost my place and got evicted and i’ve never been evicted from anywhere. My ex was just like “fuck you, be homeless”. I’m vaped out of my fucking mind and my whole world is crashing down. I asked you all for donations, I asked so I could eat, get my energy drinks and nicotine for my vuse vape. Shit like that. I don’t drink and thc vape pens is about as crazy as it gets.

I’ve never asked anyone for donations, ever, that goes from the days that i was on the bulletin board and everything else that was the internet back in ’95. I asked for donations last month and no one came, i have over 80k a month through and no one donated even 50 cents. 8 million per year, worldwide and no one came to help. It hurt me very deeply and I just kinda short “circuited” inside. I was kinda forced to move back home to the south and i haven’t been there since I was a kid. It’s been a super pleasant surprise but wow such change as of late. If I hadn’t have had family, i would be homeless. This is whats fucking with me still.. I operated this huge network for all of these years under the assumption that if I ever needed the “earth” to step in and help me, I would just stand aside. Drama happened, i “stepped outside”, nothing happened. No one came to my “rescue”..

I lost everything, my place, my car, my sites, really because last week, I lost the master edit file for all of my directories, not just this niche. So after all of this, i’m just like “fuck it”, lol. I’m done, i want out, i’m selling everything precisely because of this insane level of selfishness. This foot fetish niche that for me personally, sometime it felt like i had this niche on my back singlehandedly. It was all fake, it was all a lie. So now what in the fuck am i supposed to do?!? I helped build this niche, what did I get for it all? Poverty, an eviction and idk.. Not alot, not all of this. I didn’t “sell my soul” to anyone, just alot of really bad shit happening to me all at once. As I said before, i’m not looking to put my decisions off on anyone, but yeah. wow.

I remembere the day i decided to dedicate my life to all of this. If I could only go back in time, you know? Now I know though, so until 2030, i’m gonna be all about blockchain stuff. I just had no idea back then in my mid thirties that I’d be broke and back home by the time I was 55.

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